


[saved]

by jillyfae



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Epistolary, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:12:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2708588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's a long road through the life of anyone who served on the <i>Normandy</i> ... sometimes they leave a trail behind. A glimpse into the record of one Kaidan Alenko.</p>
            </blockquote>





	[saved]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kittenly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittenly/gifts).



_...//misc/personal/archive/kaidan.alenko/marine.corps/systems.alliance_

[2182]

from: mariska.y.chin@mc.alliance.mil   
to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil

Alenko:

What, can't even tell me where you're headed next? Going full on dark side, aren't you?

Ah well, if anyone can handle the classified it's you. Never have let the brass get to you.

Good luck.

SLT Mariska Chin  
Technical Specialist  
1st Cavalry, Second Fleet  
904th Marine Detachment

//

> from: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil  
>  to: mariska.y.chin@mc.alliance.mil
> 
> Chin:
> 
> You know I'd make a terrible "agent" of any sort; they'd never let me within a light year of a psy ops training program. You may be right about needing to deal with too much brass though. I'll tell you more whenever I can.
> 
> Congrats on that sig line! I knew you were hoping for 1st Cav.
> 
> Alenko

* * *

from: ksr@cornucopiana.ca  
to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil

Son:

I know your current job is classified, and it's always difficult to get away on a shipboard posting, but the news out of Eden Prime and the Traverse is full of conflicting reports. Try and get a message to your mother, something a bit more than the official Alliance releases?

She worries.

//

> from: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil  
>  to: ksr@cornucopiana.ca
> 
> Will do, sir

* * *

from: jia.alenko@cornucopiana.ca  
to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil

Honey:

How many 'don't let your mother worry' notes has your father sent you this tour, do you think?

As if I didn't survive all his tours just fine before you were born. Silly man. Won't admit he never did figure out how to wait for someone else's news. Hates not having something to do. Thinks if he tells you that he's the one who's worried you'll think he doesn't trust you.

Ah well, we both know better.

You take care of yourself. Dress warmly. (Wish I could send you a sweater. Those cold-weather-weight utilities of yours aren't nearly thick enough.) Try not to mother-hen your marines too much, and tell that pilot friend of yours to keep you safe from all those things you can't tell me about.

Silly precaution if you ask me. It's not like the reporters have any such qualms when broadcasting their reports and speculation.

But I'll pretend ignorance, so you don't get in trouble.

Keep your shields powered up, and make sure your QM stocks up on tungsten rounds now, all right?

Have you seen Kassa's new polaris line of omnitools? Your father's one of their tech consultants, you know. We could get you one of the beta models to tinker with, if you'd like. They're not up to asari or turian standards yet, of course, but they're getting there. Might be a nice distraction for you. Probably don't have any toasters or spare radios for you to take apart on ship, do they?

Just let us know when you get a chance.

love you

Mom

//

> from: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil  
>  to: jia.alenko@cornucopiana.ca
> 
> Only got the one note from Dad so far. He's slipping. Sent a package for the both of you, though there's no telling which buoys it'll get shipped through. We were trying to help a salarian merchant stuck out in the middle of nowhere, and suddenly I found myself shopping.
> 
> Hopefully you'll see it before the end of the year.
> 
> Unlike poor Aunt Asami's blanket that bounced around following her postings for about five years, do you remember? Good thing the orchards aren't going anywhere on you. My mail doesn't have anywhere else to go but there.
> 
> Have to say, I'm not sure when I'd manage to get the 'tool if you sent it, but you know I always like taking them apart. Send it to the Citadel address, will you? We swing back through often enough it shouldn't sit too long.
> 
> Yes, that's about the most you're getting out of me, though tungsten is certainly getting harder to find, for all the reasons you've already figured out. Never could keep a secret from you.
> 
> love
> 
> Kaidan

* * *

[2183]

[OIM log saved from  _johncarterofthegalaxy_ to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil]

graces [Shepard]: Kaidan  
johncarterofthegalaxy [me]: what are you doing up? aren't you supposed to be resting?  
graces [Shepard]: They'll be releasing me from observation tomorrow morning, and I've been ordered to take 36 hours.  
johncarterofthegalazy [me]: ordered, huh? never could decide to take a break on your own, could you.  
graces [Shepard]: Pick me up for breakfast?  
johncarterofthegalaxy [me]: I know just the place  
graces [Shepard]: good  
graces [Shepard]: see you @0730

* * *

from: mariska.y.chin@mc.alliance.mil   
to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil

Hero man!

Saw you on the vids, standing all serious in your dress blues in the background.

You clean up good. Surprised you managed not to singe your cuffs or get omni-gel on your pants right before you went up there.

Good thing the brass fielded all the reporters' questions though. Can't imagine you'd be comfortable with the speech-making. Probably get a lot of  _um's_  and you rubbing your forehead, huh? Wouldn't want the rest of the galaxy to see that.

That Commander of yours does a much better sound bite.

I knew you'd outshine us all some day. Always were better than the Captain gave you credit for. You're the only reason I survived my first tour. Glad Shepard is as good as they say, and let you do your job.

I owe you a beer, next time we both make it to Arcturus.

//

> from: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil  
>  to: mariska.y.chin@mc.alliance.mil
> 
> Glad to know my ability to wear mess dress meets with your approval. That's gotta a be a big part of your job now, doesn't it? Aren't you glad to be an ADC?
> 
> Seriously, though. Congratulations. I know you probably don't hear that enough.
> 
> Meeting at Arcturus might take awhile; we're staying near the Nebula for a bit. Can't say more than that. (Guess you were right about the lure of the dark side. Should have known. You're always right, aren't you?)
> 
> Maybe you'll make it to the Citadel sometime, instead? Everyone's mobilizing more, now.
> 
> Either way, it is always good to hear from you.
> 
> Alenko

* * *

from: ksr@cornucopiana.ca  
to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil

Good work.

//

from: jia.alenko@cornucopiana.ca  
to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil

Oh, my darling boy, I am so proud of you.

I am so glad you are well, though I must admit, all the celebrating seems a tad ghoulish, considering how much the Citadel lost. I wish you could get away for a visit, but I know transit schedules are still a mess. Thank you for the vid message, it was nice to hear your voice, rather than just seeing words on a screen. Take care, and I hope your clean-up patrol is as uneventful as possible.

You and your ship deserve the break, don't you?

love you

Mom

//

> from: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil  
>  to: jia.alenko@cornucopiana.ca  
>  cc: ksr@cornucopiana.ca
> 
> Thank you, both of you. I just did my job, and was still standing at the end. Not sure that's worth fancy ceremonies being beamed across the galaxy.
> 
> Shepard, though. She deserves every award they can throw at her. I can't talk about it, they're still debriefing, but she saved a lot of lives. More lives than they're going to admit on the news-vids. I'm just glad I could help, at least a little.
> 
> Still working on digging the Citadel out, between press-conferences. I know the Commander's working on getting us and our ship back on active duty soon though.
> 
> I'll let you know what I can, when I can. You know the drill.
> 
> love
> 
> Kaidan.

* * *

[2184]

from: mariska.y.chin@mc.alliance.mil   
to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil

I'm so sorry about your crew. We were between relays, I just got the bounce with the news. We'll be raising a glass to Shepard and the  _Normandy_  as soon as we dock.

Take care of yourself

//

> from: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil  
>  to: mariska.y.chin@mc.alliance.mil
> 
> Chin
> 
> Thank you. Could use that drink myself.
> 
> Alenko

* * *

[OIM log saved from  _johncarterofthegalaxy_ to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil]

cornucopiana [mom]: what's wrong?  
johncarterofthegalaxy [you]: you know what's wrong, mom  
cornucopiana [mom]: no, I don't  
johncarterofthegalaxy [me]: the whole galaxy knows  
cornucopiana [mom]: I'm not talking about your ship, honey, though of course I'm sorry  
johncarterofthegalaxy [me]: then what are you talking about?  
cornucopiana [mom]: don't pretend you don't know. I'm your mother. I can tell when there's something bothering you.  
johncarterofthegalaxy [me]: I had to buy two new sets of dress mess to make it through all the funerals, mom  
cornucopiana [mom]: I am so sorry. And while it's terrible what happened, and I know you blame yourself for the crew that didn't make it, that is part of the job.  
cornucopiana [mom]: and it's not your job that's bothering you. there's something else.  
johncarterofthegalaxy [me]: what, you don't think that's enough? you think all those lives don't matter, just because it was their  _job_?  
cornucopiana [mom]: that's not what I meant  
cornucopiana [mom]: you know me better than that.  
cornucopiana [mom]: you know yourself better than that. if you don't want to tell me, I understand, but you need to talk to someone.  
johncarterofthegalaxy [me]: I have to go back to work, mom  
 _cornucopiana [mom] is typing  
_ **johncarterofthegalaxy is offline**  
 _cornucopiana [mom] is typing_  
cornucopiana [mom]: love you, Kaidan

[email from: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil forwarded to OIM]

johncarterofthegalaxy [me]: love you too, Mom. maybe later, alright?

* * *

[2185]

from: jia.alenko@cornucopiana.ca  
to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil

Not to be a nagging sort of mother (too late?) but it's been over a year, and it's always  _later_

Don't let things fester. You and your father both tend to brood, and that's good for no one.

That said, I promise that's all I'll say. You're a grown man, and I trust you to take care of yourself.

(Take care of yourself, honey.)

I know we told you this at the ceremony, but your father and I are very proud of you,  _Staff Commander_. He put the holo Chin took right on that end table next to his favorite chair, so everyone can see you both together, and your awkward formal military expressions.

So alike, my boys.

It was so nice to see Chin again. I hadn't seen her since you were both graduating as active duty 2LT's. She hadn't changed a bit, has she? I'm so glad you two kept in touch. It's hard, considering how the Alliance keeps moving people around.

Ah well, not telling you anything you don't already know, am I?

I love you, my boy.

Though I hope that's not news either.

Talk to you soon.

Mom

//

> from: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil  
>  to: jia.alenko@cornucopiana.ca
> 
> Thanks, Mom, and none of it may be news, but it's always nice to hear from you.
> 
> May be even more sporadic for the next few months, I'm afraid.
> 
> But that's not really news, either, is it? Not after the promotion, and the rumors about the deep space colonies. Not that I'm officially doing anything about that.
> 
> You know how it is.
> 
> I'll send you a note when I can, promise. Chin's actually back through the Citadel just in time for one last drink before I leave.
> 
> Though, she's been hinting about setting me up with someone she knows, so it might be one last terribly awkward drink.
> 
> Hopefully not.
> 
> (I am ignoring any and all motherly commentary about my dating life, of course. So don't start. I'm doing fine, thank you.)
> 
> Love you too.
> 
> Kaidan

* * *

[text log saved to: kaidan.alenko@mc.alliance.mil)

[draft]

Shepard.

Grace.

Even here, in a private draft, writing to no one but myself, it gives me pause to see your name like that. We were together for such a short time, and even when we were alone you were seldom free to just be Grace.

You were always Shepard, too.

Anderson's Shepard, and Hackett's, and the Alliance's, and the  _Normandy's_ , and the Council's Shepard.

And my Shepard. Different but no less precious than my Grace, who I was just getting to know.

~~I don't know if I should-~~

Why am I writing to you now, I wonder?

I don't even have an answer for myself.

Well, I do, but it's a hard one to admit.

Or, at least, it's hard to admit it took so long to get here.

Sanity Check.

It's been two years, and I still miss you.

Still miss who I was, with you.

More than that, though, I think I've been grieving for who we might have been, if given a chance.

Given more time than we had.

I think, in fact, I've been so busy missing who I think we could have been, that I've stopped remembering who you really were, stopped paying attention to who I am.

So it's time to let that go, isn't it?

~~We meant~~

For all you meant to me, all I believe I meant to you, that time has passed.

You're gone.

The person I was, the person you knew, he's gone too.

Not as far, but no one stays the same forever.

Not even if they want to --

I think that's what I've been doing. Trying to stay the same, for you.

When all I should be doing, all I really need to do, is to try and be someone you would still be proud to call a friend.

I think I've done that.

I hope I have.

So, Shepard.

Grace.

I guess I'm finally writing this now because it's time.

Anderson has a job for me, a long-term assignment out beyond our territory, an independent colony that needs our help, whether they want to admit it or not.

I leave in 36 hours.

(That does tend to be our magic number, doesn't it?)

Chin's been pushing me to get out of my own head, take a break from all the work. Been trying to set me up with a friend of hers, too, which isn't something I need right now, not with the job coming up. But I finally realized she's right about the rest of it. Right about me thinking too much, and keeping my head too far down. Time to stop avoiding the world I claim I'm protecting.

Besides, she owes me a beer. Or maybe I owe Chin? More likely, by now, we both owe each other more rounds than we'd make it through in one night.

But we're going to try.

So I'm going to raise one last glass to you, Shepard, and what might have been.

Good-bye, Grace.

[draft saved]


End file.
